Recently, a customer asked for my help in finding a fabulous outfit for her 40th birthday celebration. I knew her style quite well, so I felt confident I could help her. I asked her what style of outfit she was looking for and one of the words she used was sexy.
When I asked what sexy meant for her, she wasn't able to articulate it. 'Good question' she said, a little bewildered. To ease our growing discomfort in the moment, I offered some ideas. Perhaps something skin baring? Something backless? Something short? A slinky fabric?
Afterwards I reflected on our interaction. Why didn't she know what sexy meant to her? And why was I pulling out these old tropes of what it may mean?
Here comes the bride
Historically, in many societies, due to unyielding social expectations and severely limited opportunities, women were compelled to marry in order to secure their financial and social security.
It was critical to their survival.
Marriage served as a vehicle for the transfer of power, status and wealth between families.
In Great Britain, up until the late 19th century, the law of 'coverture' meant that once a woman was married, her legal status merged with her husband's. If she was able to earn an income through a wage or inheritance, it automatically became the property of her husband.
She had no independent legal identity.
A woman's body and labour were also legally considered to be the property of her husband. Given that divorce was near impossible for a woman to obtain during this time, her emotional and physical safety and that of her children, were at the mercy of her husband as well.
Yet, marriage was critical to her survival.
The diamond of the season
Fashion was used as a way of constructing a woman's image so she was appealing to a potential spouse.
Beauty was a highly valued commodity.
Garments weren't designed to sit on a woman's body. Rather, constructed to dramatically alter her natural shape.
Corsets, bustles, panniers, hoops, crinolines and petticoats sort to pull, squeeze and pad a woman into an exaggerated shape considered alluring. The garments were created to make her waist look small and her hips and bust look full and round. A shape which was considered to be the healthiest for child bearing. A cycle which she would be in from marriage to middle age.
This constructed shape of a woman, designed to highlight her ability to have many children, was anything but healthy. Corsets squeezed organs, restricted breathing and broke ribs. Small pointed shoes deformed toes and all garments limited mobility making walking, sitting and moving difficult and at times, impossible unaided.
'I have never understood the fashion for feathers in the hair. Why would a woman want to draw more notice to the fact that she is like a bird squawking for a man's attention in some bizarre ritual?' — Eloise Bridgerton
Of course these elaborate styles also indicated social status and wealth. The lower classes didn't have the money or luxury of wearing such complicated and restrictive styles.
With the expansion of European colonialism, the focus on whiteness also solidified. Colonisers associated pale skin with wealth and superiority. Devastatingly, in many colonised countries, even after independence, these beauty standards prevailed.
Skin lightening products containing dangerous chemicals like mercury and hydroquinone, were aggressively marketed at women. Exploiting the very insecurities European colonisers had created.
Women continued to strive to meet these absurd and harmful beauty standards in order to secure a husband.
It was critical to their survival.
A rising tide doesn't lift all boats
It is difficult to over state the impact the 20th century had on the lives of women. The rising tide of the women's rights movement in the late 19th century gave way to the suffrage movement which culminated in most western nations granting voting rights to women in the early 20th century.
That is, white women.
Black women, indigenous women and women of colour were forced to wait many decades before being granted the same rights as white women. In Australia, white women were granted the right to vote in 1902. Indigenous women (and men) would fight for a further 60 years for the exact same privilege.
Many significant social shifts continued to occur throughout the 20th century. Divorce laws were liberalised, reproductive rights were increasingly established, women entered the workforce in growing numbers, the contraceptive pill was introduced, women gained access to higher education and positions of power.
By the 1960's, gender roles started to shift for women. Societal expectation around marriage started to diminish. Increasingly, women joined the workforce and engaged in higher education. They were no longer forced into the role of wife and mother.
Marriage was no longer critical to their survival.
The right to wear pants
As women moved toward equal rights and started to gain independence from men, the idea of dressing to attract a husband started to weaken. Women's bodies were returning to them. The sexual revolution that emerged in the 1960's, brought on a significant shift in the way women's sexuality was perceived.
A woman's image became hers to construct. The clothes she wore and the way she expressed herself was a reflection of her own attitudes, beliefs and values.
By the 1970's, pants, mini's, bikinis, halter tops and other skin baring styles were staples in many women's wardrobes.
But the fight for freedom of sexual expression for women had only just begun. The legacy of oppression flowed like a current underneath their newly found freedoms.
With western culture's continued obsession with beauty, youth, thinness and whiteness, can it be said that women have reclaimed their sexual expression or is it just a mirage?
The male gaze
The Oxford dictionary definition of sexy is 'sexually attractive or exciting'.
But who exactly is the judge deeming one sexually attractive or not?
Soaked into every pore of western culture is the perspective of the white, heterosexual man.
When determining whether a woman is sexually attractive, it is always considered through the eyes of a white, heterosexual man.
The current of oppression continues to flow underneath.
'You are a woman with a man inside watching a woman. You are your own voyeur' - Margaret Atwood from the novel 'The Robber Bride'
The concept of the male gaze was brought into our lexicon by feminist film theorist Laura Mulvey in her most famous essay 'Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema'.
The theory of the male gaze suggests that the image of a woman is constructed to satisfy the needs of the perceived viewer which is a white, heterosexual man.
Sound familiar?
Is it possible that a woman can't see herself outside of the male gaze? That her expression is not her own but merely a reflection of a man's eyes on her?
Is it possible that we default to clothes that highlight the female body as an object of desire?
Is that why my customer couldn't articulate what it means to look sexy and why I was pulling out old tropes of what it may possibly mean?
'A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to want to take it off you' - Francoise Sagan
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way
The desire to feel desired isn't bad.
But understanding the root cause of the desire can greatly impact how or if you choose to express it.
True freedom of expression requires awareness. It is a conscious rejection of societal constructs that do not serve us.
Pamela Anderson, who had arguably the most fetishised image of the 90's, has found herself in mid life shedding her constructed public image. She was quoted in the New York Times as saying 'I’ve had another kind of image for so long, but that was almost a caricature' 'I’ve been playing characters my whole life. Now I am playing me.' I always knew that this person was inside me. This lady'.
The constant pressure to be just the right amount of desirable is exhausting. You objectify yourself and in doing so, disconnect from the authentic person inside.
The internalised male gaze inhibits our ability to understand our true preferences when it comes to dressing in a way that makes us feel sexy.
It also begs the question, do women feel safe to express their sensuality? Can they do so without being reduced by it?
Pamela Anderson's renaissance has been embraced by the public and media alike. She is being appreciated for her talents, thoughts and ideas. Not just her appearance. It's not that she wasn't talented or thoughtful as a young woman, it's just that society didn't allow her to be those things and sexy at the same time.
Amy Taylor, frontwoman of Australian punk band Amyl and the Sniffers, combines her incredible stage presence and raw, powerful energy with hotpants and bra tops. The combination is perfection. She is so authentically herself. Yet her talent, which has sparked the band's international success, is still reduced down to her hotpants.
'Well, I’ve always dressed scantily clad on or off-stage. I always get shit for it. They’re sitting there bitching about, “Oh, they’re only good because she wears short shorts,” and all that shit' - Amy Taylor
This reduction doesn't just happen in the entertainment industry. It happens in sports, politics, journalism, literature and countless other industries.
Not drowning, waving
Those of us that grew up on the coast of Australia were taught very early on, that if you get caught in a rip, you never swim against the current, you swim across it.
So how do we swim across the current of oppression that threatens to take us out to sea?
How do we express our sensuality in a way that feels authentic to us?
Here are some ways you can get YOUR sexy back:
-
Sexy is something you FEEL. It is not a costume you wear. Focus on understanding the feeling first. Does it make you feel Powerful? Brave? Playful? Natural? Choose clothes that help you step into the feeling. Is it a structured blazer and tailored pants? A playful silk dress full of ruffles and movement? Knee high leather riding boots? Soft denim jeans and a white t-shirt? Is it specific textures and the way certain fabrics feel against your skin? This is about what makes YOU feel sexy, not what you have been led to believe is sexy.
-
It doesn't have to be 'feminine'. It is important to remain aware that you don't have to dress in feminine way in order to embody sexiness. You do not have to fit any stereotype of what it is to be sexy. You just have to be YOURSELF.
'For me, I feel the best when I look like I’m staunch but slutty, and it has to be practical because I’m a mover and a shaker' - Amy Taylor
-
Understanding your WHY. It is important to be clear on what is motivating your wardrobe choices. Expressing your sensuality through your clothing is really empowering and fun if you are motivated by an authentic desire to communicate that part of yourself. If you choose outfits in an attempt to reach beauty standards or to seek external validation and therefore proof that you are valuable, it won't feel empowering. If you want your outfit to feel and look incredible, it has to be a choice made by you, the authentic person inside. Not a choice made for you by society, culture, media, advertising or any individual person.
Experimenting with sensuality in your wardrobe is a powerful thing. It doesn't belong to anyone but YOU. Whether you are loud and fierce, soft and gentle or somewhere in between, the expression of your sexuality is yours to embody.
Within fashion, power is expressed. That power is yours.
Just keep in mind, sexy exists within. It is a state of mind. A feeling you inhabit. Whether you choose to express it or not, is entirely up to you. How you choose to express it, is your unique stamp on the world.
Fashion cannot make you sexy. Experience makes you sexy. Imagination makes people sexy. You have to train yourself, you have to study, and you have to live your life' - Yohji Yamamoto