Last year, at exactly this time, my partner and I set off on a beautiful holiday to Greece and Croatia.
I decided to pack very lightly, so when it came to my clothes, there wasn't too much to organise. Except for the swimsuit.
I had spent the Australian summer wearing an old faithful one piece. So faithful in fact, that the elastane had loosened, sufficiently stretching them out so they were nice and comfy.
I had avoided my two favourite pairs all summer, as I knew, this season, they would be too small.
With the trip around the corner, there was no more putting it off. I wasn't wearing a worn out swimsuit on the beaches of Greece.
I took a deep breath and tried them on. The first pair, then the second. The result was the same. I got into them but looked, as my friend would say, like a sausage in a casing. They were a size too small. On top of that, the cut felt weirdly revealing on both pairs.
They felt awful.
Then I felt awful.
I knew there was nothing left to be done. I had to go to the shopping centre.
I started at the department store then begrudgingly worked my way around the centre. By the time I found my way into the small store I had been most hopeful about, I was feeling deflated, disoriented and low.
Despite a warm greeting from the sales person, I couldn't face the racks of swimmers staring at me. I lied and told her I was 'happy browsing' then walked out.
The Gruen transfer
Austrian architect and urban planner Victor Gruen, designed the world's first shopping centre. Built in the town of Edina Minnesota in the United States, Southland opened in 1956, ushering in a new era of consumerism.
Prior to designing Southland, Gruen was highly sought after for his ground breaking store design. He understood the financial benefits of strategic retail design and utilised striking visual elements such as glass, marble, spotlights and showcases to lure customers in.
Southdale was originally conceived of as a community hub. Gruen recognised the need for a place where people could gather and interact outside the home and workplace. This was particularly relevant in the newly formed suburbs where people were cut off from the town centre and time spent in cars was increasing.
It was Gruen's utopian vision to have a pedestrian focused plaza reminiscent of the European town squares he had grown up with. It would be a mixed use facility housing libraries, post office, apartments, medical and child care centres and of course, retail.
Southdale was designed with a massive centre court, lit by a large skylight and embellished with greenery. The centre court would later become a hallmark of shopping centre design the world over.
While Gruen's original vision of connecting American communities isolated by urban sprawl may have been an admirable one, the idea soon morphed from connection to commerce.
With his innate understanding of retail design coupled with his extensive experience, Gruen designed one of the most revolutionary and effective retail environments in history. But, despite his idealistic dream, he inadvertently created a monster. A homogenous, climate controlled, consumerist monster.
Part of this revolutionary design was a confusing floor layout. A maze like plan that forced people through different product categories and store fronts, opening up opportunities for retailers to dazzle customers with visual displays, disorient them and transform their focused shopping mission into a unexpected series of impulse buys.
This deliberately overwhelming retail vortex became known as the 'Gruen transfer'. The 'transfer' occurs when shoppers lose track of their original intentions and start shopping in general. While Gruen himself was against such strategies, the shopping mall and all it's money making possibilities had taken on a life of it's own.
Ikea is a brilliant example of the Gruen transfer at work. A maze like floor plan that directs consumers around various twists and turns, each one opening up new product categories and striking visual displays. Supermarkets are also adept at utilising the Gruen transfer, placing grocery staples at each end of the store, forcing customers to walk from one end to the other and tempting them at every turn.
The changing tide
Retail designers and visual merchandisers work in tandem to create an in store experience that is perfectly tailored to their target customer. They utilize all the senses to make you want to spend time there, or more importantly, spend money there.
Through colour, texture, fixtures, fittings, lighting, music and product placement, they tell their intoxicating, aspirational story.
I remember walking into the iconic Alannah Hill store in Howey Place in Melbourne in 2004, back when Hill was still involved in her own label. It was intoxicating.
Every single part of the store was choreographed to express the cheeky, sexy, sugar coated glamour of Alannah Hill. Long racks lined the walls loaded with sumptuous, embroidered garments. A chaise lounge sat next to the counter draped in patchwork and covered with exquisite cushions. The changerooms were closed off with heavy, red velvet drapes. Dean Martin's voice drifted through the rose tinged wonderland.
But, a lot has changed since my spell binding trip to Alannah Hill.
Enter, the world wide web and the birth of online shopping.
Introduced in the mid 90's, online shopping steadily gained momentum in the decade that followed. Continued advancements in technology made it more accessible and more trustworthy and by the 2010's it had truly taken off.
Another major shift in the retail landscape emerged at a similar time.
Fast fashion.
Powerhouse retailers like Zara and H&M promised consumers trend driven clothing at exceptionally cheap prices and fast.
To respond to the changing tide, the majority of Australian brands moved their clothing production off shore, leaving a once thriving industry to decline. This left small and emerging designers and brands with a huge barrier to entry. Unable to afford the minimum runs required to manufacture in off shore factories, they were left to navigate the remains of a decimated Australian industry.
This lethal combination of online accessibility and cheap, trendy clothing sparked a blaze of textile consumption the world hadn't seen before.
The fashion landscape was shifting.
Having worked in the retail environment in various capacities since 2004, including centre management, visual merchandising and sales, I could feel the shift.
None more so than on the shop floor. What stood out to me the most in this new retail landscape, was that women weren't enjoying themselves.
The fun was gone.
Self defence
I have learnt a lot about women and about myself working in fashion retail. One of the qualities that stands out the most in the shopping centre environment, is that women feel defensive. I understand this defensiveness.
The sales person's job is to sell.
As much as they can.
But as I peeled back the invisible layers, I realised there was more to this guardedness than protecting themselves from the pressure to purchase.
There was an intricate web of stories at play within each customer, each different yet they shared common themes.
One of the most striking being 'I can't wear that'. Whether referring to a style, a colour, a size, a fabric, 'I can't' is a common story we tell ourselves.
Quite a few years ago, I was helping a woman find an outfit for a dinner event. I could feel her insecurity immediately. As I slowly worked my way through the racks, gently suggesting styles that may work for her, she kept rejecting them. 'I can't wear sleeveless', she said. 'No, can't wear short', 'No I can't wear fitted'. By the time I turned around with my 4th or 5th suggestion, she was in tears. Her final 'I can't' came as she said with tears falling down her face, 'I can't do this' and hurried out.
That was a particularly upsetting example, but there are many, many more 'I can't' stories' that weave through the hundreds of conversations I've had with women in store over the years.
'I can't tuck in' 'I can't wear wide legs' 'I can't wear pink'.
The 'I can't' narrative can start anywhere, at any time. I have had several of my own.
'I can't' is different to 'I prefer'.
'I prefer' has an assertiveness to it, an understanding of one's self, one's body and style. It acknowledges where you are at but doesn't keep you stuck there. 'I'd prefer a sleeve for this event' 'I'd prefer something loose so I can eat as much as I want at dinner'.
'I can't' is a sledge hammer than shatters any possibility of change, of exploring new things, of finding new facets of yourself and your style.
The sweetest sound to my ears is when a customer says 'I never would have chosen this for myself, but I love it'. They dropped their defences, they tried.
Changeroom hell
A customer is 70% more likely to make a clothing purchase if they use the changeroom.
But, the changeroom is a complicated place for women.
Rarely are they wonderful places to try on clothes. Often bearing poky dimensions, harsh fluorescent overhead lighting and curtains that don't quite close leaving gaps you can see through.
It is an intimate yet public space seemingly designed to highlight our insecurities.
On top of that, low quality clothing production, including pattern making and fabrics as well as inconsistent sizing, means that once inside the changeroom, it's Russian roulette. I cannot tell you how many times women have exited the changeroom saying 'I was too fat for everything'. My heart sinks every time I hear this as I know it is not true.
'It looks better on the mannequin' is another common lament.
Poorly designed, cheaply produced clothing does look better on mannequins. Creating quality clothing that sits beautifully on the human body takes thought, time, skill, knowledge, experience and appreciation for the woman who will be wearing it.
Rushed production, cheap fabrics, poor construction, lack of testing, sampling and quality control lead to garments that do not fit.
A lot of clothing produced today shows little attention to a woman's body. This leads to women feeling like they are the problem, not the clothes. If it looks better on a size 0 plastic doll, that means it's designed for one.
Do you want fries with that?
The shopping centre environment is generic.
The reason shopping centres all feel the same is because they follow a standardised model. The design is similar as is the retail mix which comprises mainly of chain stores.
Most of the brands we see at shopping centres are owned by large parent companies. Myer owns Just Jeans, Jay Jays, Portmans, Dotti, Jacqui E, Sass & bide, Marcs, and David Lawrence. The Country Road Group owns, Country Road, Trenery, Witchery and Mimco. Factory X owns Dangerfield, Gorman and Princess Highway amongst others.
You can see why the brands start to become mirror images of each other often watering down the original vision of their creator. I remember visiting the newly opened Gorman store in Fitzroy in the mid 2000's, back when it was an independent label. The experience was a lot different to the Gorman stores we see in shopping centres today. Aesop opened it's first store at a similar time. The retail design and experience was absolutely incredible. It is now owned by international giant L'Oreal.
While some centres may try to engage with smaller brands and businesses to diversify the retail offering, the financial cost often does not stack up. The cost of production and rent on top of all other expenses leave small designers and brands priced out. And with that goes the creativity.
So, is it possible to embrace your unique beauty and style in such a homogenised environment? To shop at centres and still feel uniquely yourself and not like someone who has just stepped out of the latest Country Road catalogue?
Repair the roof when the sun is shining
When I got back from my swimsuit shopping fail, I was feeling pretty low, so I sat myself down for a chat.
I realised I had embarked on the shopping trip without getting my mindset right first. I hadn't worked through the uncomfortable feelings that my changing body had brought up and my shopping experience reflected that.
I also resented the shopping centre. Navigating its strategic floorplan with its twists and turns, escalator after escalator pushing me into more and more sensory overload. Not to mention the racks and racks of identical clothes. Shops like H&M that smell like plastic with their sad polyester garments hanging there like landfill waiting to happen.
I needed a plan.
How to shop and win
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A good mindset
Get your mind set right before you shop. Your experience is a reflection of your own thoughts. If you are having negative thoughts about your body, you will have a negative shopping experience.
Take some time to reframe your thoughts. Life moves and changes, as does your body. Resistance to change is what brings the struggle. Take some slow deep breaths and tell yourself that it is ok to change. That it is natural. That it is normal.
'The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance' - Alan Watts
Start building positive thoughts around the shopping adventure. In my case with the swimsuit, I started to think about my upcoming holiday (which immediately put me in a good mood!) then I started to think about how I wanted to feel and what styles would make me feel that way. I then started to get excited about the idea of shopping for the new swimsuit.
If you have already embarked on your shopping trip and start spiralling in the changeroom, take some slow, deep breaths, get dressed and leave. It is really difficult to calm your nervous system in that environment. If you can, go and sit somewhere quiet and reframe your thoughts. If you can't, go home, do something nurturing for yourself and try again the next day.
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Open yourself up to possibilities
Take 'I can't' out of your vocabulary. Holding on to limiting beliefs inhibits growth. It also steals your joy. Opening yourself up to the shopping experience and expressing a willingness to try new things will bring unexpected delight.
When I returned to the centre after my shopping fail, my mindset was good. I was open to the experience. I went back to the small boutique I had felt hopeful about and allowed the staff to help me. Good sales staff know their stuff, let them help you.
Trying on clothes (and swimmers) that are the right size and actually fit, does wonders for your self image. It sounds absurd but so often women become focused on the number on the tag rather than the way the clothes make them feel.
Many years ago, I had a regular customer who refused to go up a size even though her body wanted her to. She insisted on purchasing an uncomfortable, ill fitting size because she couldn't accept that she had changed. It is not uncommon. I just wish she'd allowed herself the experience of wearing clothes that fit. It truly does change your perception of your body immediately.
Once in the changeroom with a handful of swimmers the right size, I was having a great time. So great in fact, that I allowed the staff to walk right over one of my 'I can't's'. Wearing a 2 piece swimsuit. I opened myself up to the idea and let them choose one for me. While I didn't purchase the two piece I was so glad I tried it. I felt so free.
If you dress the stories in your head, you will not feel fulfilled. You miss out on the fun adventure with 'I can't'. If you are too immersed in your mind you constrict the possibilities. If you open yourself up to experimentation and dress to nurture your spirit, the joy will be there waiting for you. Be curious. Nothing binds you except your own mind. Treat shopping like a fun adventure and try to accept that some things will work while others may not. And, that's ok. That's normal.
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Shop small
I purchased my new swimmers from a local business with two locations, one which happened to be in the shopping centre. When you shop small, you have a more direct relationship with the retailer, you may even be served by the owner. They are far more interested in getting to know you as a customer and understanding your specific needs. Relationships can be formed.
Also, the money you spend stays predominately in the local economy. For every $1 you spend with a small business approximately $0.68 stays within your local community, helping local families, businesses and organisations to thrive. Small business gives towns and cities their vibrancy, their individuality and their soul. Who wants to live in a community surrounded only by chain stores and big box retailers?
When you are shopping at a centre for something specific, see if you can find it at a small business first. It is an excellent way to reduce the overwhelm, find a curated offering and experience personalised service all while supporting your local community.
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Beware the Gruen transfer
If you have a specific shopping assignment to complete, do your research first. Have a plan in your mind as to which shops you want to look at and stick to it. Aimless wandering around shopping centres leads to overwhelm, frustration and unintentional purchases. The Gruen Transfer will have you wandering around for hours and leaving with bags of stuff none of which contain the thing you actually need!
Into the sunset
Despite Gruen's utopian ideals, the modern shopping centre is designed to make you spend, not to make you happy.
When shopping in centres we need to bring our own sense of joy, of theatre of adventure. Having a positive mindset, a focused plan, being open to different possibilities and shopping with mindful intention will put you in an excellent position to get what you need and beat the centre at it's own game.
My second shopping attempt was a wonderful success. I bought two pairs of swimmers from a local business where I received excellent service. Did I look like an Instagram model? No. I looked like me and I felt great, elated even.
What if we didn't see change as losing something? What if we saw it as shedding past versions of ourselves so we can become who we need to be today.
The version of me that wore the smaller size swimmers had swum off into the sunset. I was here now. And that was fabulous, because I was going to Greece.
'Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be' - Wayne Dyer